The Year of 2009

January 2009 has been nothing short of ‘firsts’ for me.

1) Witnessing Barack Obama being sworn-in as President of the United States. I felt so proud of that country. Needless to say why he was considered a ‘first’ on my list.

2) Surviving the greatest heatwave ever recorded in Melbourne’s recorded history since mid-1880s. It was a first for locals too. Notwithstanding the obvious discomfort and inconveniences, it became a common topic to bind everyone together.

3) Watching the epic 5 hour tennis match between Nadal v Verdasco. Sheer brutality on both players’ bodies, but I was overwhelmed and impressed by their willpower and how they simply pushed their bodies to the utter limits. I realised later that it was the longest match ever in the history of the Australian Open. Another ‘first’!

4) Obtaining permanent residency in Australia. It was almost a year’s wait, although life went on as per normal during the interim. Immigration suffered a total computer system failure, and my application was swung to Brissy for processing instead. Everything was in God’s hands anyway, so I plodded on without twitching or feeling unnecessarily bothered. My nonchalent attitude probably puzzled many around me, or rather, everyone except those who shared the same faith as me.

Mom brought up the issue of buying a house here, which I had conveniently put aside because I wasn’t a PR holder. Now that I am, I’ve been a little more proactive by perusing websites and consulting people around me. It is exciting though, because I’ll finally be able to live in a nice house which I can add value to, put on some personal touches and call it my habitat, rather than holing up under a roof. I’m not really normadic by nature. I love the experience of living in different countries and cities, but as my age catches up with me, certain societal responsibilities and commitments have begun to make themselves clearer and more significant. Time has never been on anyone’s side, and I want to spend some quality time with my parents.

So, I guess by age 29 this September, I have ticked a few boxes on my checklist. I wanted to live, study and settle in a foreign country, with the support of my parents, and with whatever energy and effort I could muster on my own. I made some really good friends in Melbourne, although I wasn’t sure I could because I was so comfortable in Perth. My spiritual life could be busier though, and this was one aspect that was lacking, and still is lacking. I guess I can begin by dedicating some time to church and investing my effort in people’s lives rather than my own. I’ll need to prayerfully consult God on what He’ll like me to do.

Studies-wise, I really need to pull up my socks. So far, my first assignment’s grade was very encouraging. However, there is a lot of work to be done. Physically, I’m tired from an 8 hour workday, 5 days a week full-time job. My brain just refuses to absorb anything more after 5pm. Sometimes, I can’t turn down certain social invites because I am adamant that I do not morph into a complete hermit. Time, again, is really not on anyone’s side, and definitely not on mine. O God, please schedule my life for me!

A friend recently demanded that I really consider the issue of a lifelong companionship, of which I must say, I have not really prioritised highly in my list. Perhaps it is an urgent matter, especially because I’m female and is the childbearer. Or perhaps because an old maid/virgin is a derogatory term and implies unattractiveness, desperatism and everything else ugly. So, I asked her what I should do to reflect that I was seriously considering the issue. The usual suggestions were thrown my way, all of which I accepted with a shrug and a smile. Would attempting to indulge in their suggestions throw people off my case? Would serial dating be the solution to passionately and proactively pursuing the goal of a lifelong companionship? And then what happens after that? Would I become less lacking, and be a complete and settled person in everyone’s eyes? They would probably have nothing else to say or ask me, except perhaps the occasional query regarding offsprings and the likes.

But as I amusedly entertained my friend’s suggestions with meek nods, I know nothing has changed for me, and I will not change anything for anyone, until God says so. Of course, all good-natured requests/suggestions/comments are still gladly welcomed.

Post-Perth Thoughts

Back again in Melbourne, and actually, quite glad to be home. I miss my baby bolster, pillow and mattresses. I miss the humdrum days of walking around looking quite unglamourous in my room (not like I look better anyway, but you get the point). And I think ‘home’ is simply where I am comfortable living in, solely by my definition of course. My parents and the Singapore Gahment will tell me something quite differently.

It’s random, but I realise I have moved 4 times overseas – 2 times in the UK, 1 time in Perth, and 1 time in Melbourne. If plans do go ahead, it’ll be 2 times for the latter when my housemate & I vacate the apartment for a cheaper residence. I’ve gotten quite used to living minimally, and packing up is quite a familiar task for me. I suppose many will say it creates a sense of disconnectedness, because you don’t seem to grow roots long enough. I concur, and I don’t see why I should deny it.

The trip to Perth was great, and maybe timely. I fell very sick, right at the eve of departure. Needless to say, I think on hindsight, everything had seemed like a blur. I was too busy concentrating on fending the fever away, or trying to sound coherrent with an inflammed throat. But it was still a break, a complete cut-off from the sights & sounds of Melbourne, from work, from Melburnian contacts, from the short budding life I was building in the Eastern side, and returning to the familiar Western Australian background. I knew faces, places, streets, sights & sounds upon touchdown. Pretty amazing to note that nothing changed, coming from a Singaporean context where everything morphes, literally every minute.

Familiarity is sometimes comforting. I’d experienced far too many changes recently, and perhaps I failed to notice that I needed a familiar trigger to put me at ease. It was great to see Fremantle, lovely to meet up and chat with peeps without much awkwardness, feeling a sense of accomplishment when receiving my certificate from the Chancellor on-stage. During a stretch, I even had a moment of truth on why my cousins actually valued history!

The longer I’m away from Singapore, the more distant I’m starting to feel emotionally towards it. It’s not the family and friends I’m referring to, it’s simply the country and what it stands for. I wear my Singaporean badge quite happily, because I really like being a Singaporean. We bash Singapore up for the usual reasons, but beneath it all, I don’t hate it. Still, it’s starting to feel emptier.

I continue to walk hand-in-hand with God. Or rather, I try very hard to do that. Mostly, He’s always waiting for me, because I get distracted by the many sparkling temptations on the display windows along the path called My Life. Sometimes, I miss the whole picture, or I lament at a lost opportunity. I went to Perth wondering why I was feeling so sick, but I came back to Melbourne feeling loved, pampered, remembered, accomplished and strengthened. The sickness was physically draining, but the boost in my spiritual and mental psyches were immeasurable. I wasn’t necessarily ‘drowning’ prior to the trip. Life was alright, I didn’t stray nor question nor become tired of God. But He saw fit to give me that extra lift, and I really appreciate that.

Most people jokingly commented that my next phase in life was to find a partner. Within that casual demeanour laid true intentions which were not hidden with much effort. Even I must admit, it seems like the most natural thing to do. People who remain single have always been deemed incomplete. No matter the amount of books, seminars and the most passionate speeches on singleness which have been churned and piled upon us, it is still a characteristic of the human psyche to view singleness as insufficient. No point denying it, it lies within each and everyone of us.

I can only embrace singlehood, I can’t say I embrace couplehood. I cannot profess I accept something which I know nothing of, and have never tasted of. I am not against the concept, nor am I actively refusing the possibility. But like most other singles whom I have the privilege of knowing in Melbourne, we have left our so-called ‘destinies’ into the hands of Our Creator. Dare I say, I don’t sit around on my bum hoping a potential will come knocking on my door (although who is to say God can’t arrange that?)

I merely put my life arrangements into His Hands and I go about my usual business. Am I discontented, dissatisfied, feeling abandoned or lonely? Of course. I am never really contented with my life. I wish I can be more organised, I wish I have more money… I wish I wish I wish. The desires and wants are always greater than the needs. And who is to say you won’t feel lonely even with a spouse and kids? Loneliness is not solely the affliction for the single person, it actually discriminates no one. Only God can truly saturate us, and I want to start by having a healthy, fulfilling, & sufficient relationship with God. It is work in progress, and I continue to petition to Him everything that comes to my mind. And if things can happen in His will and He wishes to consider some of my desires, then they will come to pass. Remember, He loves us all, and why try to think your plans will benefit yourself when He is all-knowing? This is not an excuse for passivitiy, but this makes me even more excited to know God intimately, so that I know what He’s thinking of, and slowly, His wishes and desires will also become mine. If you think individuality becomes gobbled up, it doesn’t. In fact, it’s amplified. He already made me different from the rest, and He has plans uniquely for me. He only wants to prosper me, to use my talents and stretch my potential.

Individuality in God’s realm is the testament to His intelligent design.

Whether I remain single or not single, I neither fret nor doubt nor strive unnecessarily. If this is deemed as laziness, well then, let it be so.

It’s that silver Olympic medal

With great aplomb, Mom informed me over the phone that Singapore secured its 2nd Olympic medal in 48 years. I knew about it, and unbeknownst to her, I was also observing the enormous explosion of comments and responses from Singaporeans after the haul. I knew it wasn’t going to be a straightforward matter.

A really ironic factor in a novel, don’t you think? China-born and raised foreign talents imported into Singapore to clinch a medal, and they won it doning Singapore’s crescent and stars, whilst standing on their home ground in Beijing. What emotions and feelings were going through their heads? I, for one, would really want to know.

Negativity was heavy in most of the sentiments I came across. It was really sad.

I’m not so sure where I stand. As a foreigner in another land, I deem myself an outsider on the shores I live and work in. My bonds and emotional attachments remain in Singapore, because my memories and loved ones are there. It is a place where I exist. It is a place where people love and remember me. Not in Exeter, Perth nor Melbourne. The level of intimacy cannot be forged overnight to replace 22 years in Singapore.

Many Singaporeans cry foul that these foreign imports will relinquish their Singaporean citizenships and return to China, since their “mission” is completed. It is heartening to know that some don’t blame the foreign imports, but rather, the circumstances that caused this dilemma to arise. Whether they formed a bond with Singapore or not, they did perform according to what was expected of them. Whatever they do next is simply up to their discretion. That is the sort of agreement in the beginning, and that is all to it.

A silver Olympic medal is attained, but at such costs. I don’t even feel right to comfortably congratulate myself, a Singaporean, that we have earned one. It feels like a procurement. I just can’t, and I know many of us share the same views.

Sitting here, watching how the Australians are rooting noisily for their national team invariably creates a sharp contrast. There is no fuss, no wuss, just a nation single-mindedly supporting their team. Australia is also a multi-cultural nation with immigrants streaming in by the minute. But there is still a difference between the two nations. And oh, what a difference!

Being abroad draws attention to my origin. Am I foremost Chinese, and then a Singaporean? Or is it the other way round? When people ask me if I’m Korean or Japanese, do I say I’m Chinese? Koreans from Korea, Japanese from Japan, but a Chinese can derive from various areas in modern times. And I always have an overwhelming urge to say that I’m Singaporean, although it’s not the right answer to an ethnical question.

The immigrants in Australia are absolutely comfortable in their own skins. They’re proud of being 2nd, 3rd or 4th generation Italians, Spaniards, English, Irish, Greek and so on. China-borned Chinese have no problems being Chinese. The issue arises when it comes to Singaporeans and Malaysians, because we are propelled to deny that we are from China (for various reasons).

I think nationalities are flexible, but ethnicities are not. You cannot deny you’re Indian when you are. I cannot deny I am Chinese. If you wish to stretch the argument, modern-generation Singaporeans and Malaysians all had forefathers primarily hailing from China and India, and so, we should all be celebrating our medal because we originated from the same place as our foreign imports.

But ultimately, that sense of belonging does not apply to them, as it does to Singapore-borned citizens. We hardly see China-Chinese, Koreans or Japanese teams with foreign ethnicities when it comes to representing their nations, when it really counts. We want people who really love the country, who laughs and cries with us, who gets our jokes and kampung stories. I think that’s really all it is. Bond with us. A white guy who was borned and bred in Singapore should also be considered a Singaporean since he experiences the same things as his Malay or Indian neighbours. But who’s to say we shouldn’t be proud of our ethnicities? Immigrants in Australia are proud of their origins, but they are fiercely loyal to Australia. Both worlds can meet, only if the individual wants to, and if the environment is safe and nurturing enough.

I think the issue is, there is speculation that these foreign imports probably do not love Singapore. They have done what they are paid to do, and so, I feel that this medal seems to be bought. It lacks the intrinsic value of a person who truly wishes to bring glory to the country. And really, that’s what the Olympic spirit is all about. Representatives from all the participating countries competing to see their countries’ flags hoisted high, and stretching their own limits as athletes.

A transaction of a Singapore citizenship for an Olympic silver medal is fair deal per se, but it is at the cost of the value of a Singapore citizenship. Citizens can only wonder how much pride we can take in being a Singaporean, when it is readily sold for a profit. I know most Singaporeans can’t be bothered to take up sports as a full-time job, but how many of those bubbling talents had been stubbed over the generations in favour of academic brilliance? Can we surely say there were none? Can we also say we truly have no talent in sports? None? Zero? Zilch? I don’t really think so, but as there isn’t a great environment for people to explore their latent gifts properly and in their own time, well, foreign imports are the shortcuts to successes in areas where Singaporeans aren’t given time to grow and blossom in.

A Trip to Perthie

My itinerary is as follows:

13th Sept (Saturday/My Birthday!)
Arriving in Perth: 3.30pm

15th Sept (Monday)
Graduation in Perth Convention Centre: 7.00pm

17th Sept (Wednesday)
Departing from Perth: 6.00pm

Now, here’s some requests from me!

1) Is anyone willing to be my chauffeur to & fro the airport?
2) Put up this homeless kid in a lovely accommodation?
3) Sit through my graduation? I’ve got 3 tixs.

Graduation… but where?

Last night, I received an envelope marked to me from Murdoch University.

“How odd, I’m sure I returned all my library books”, I thought. Towards the last semester of my course, I went on a crazy reading spree, devouring almost anything I could lay my grubby hands on.

Lo and behold, I saw a familiar brochure slip out from its midst.

GRADUATION CONVOCATION IN PERTH CONVENTION CENTRE.
15 SEPTEMBER 2008.

Huh? I didn’t know I was scheduled for a convocation in Perth. The last time I talked to Graduations Office, they said they registered me for the one to be held in Singapore.

I began to entertain the idea of going for this one. My parents haven’t visited Perth, and I would really like to fly back and visit for a bit. Plus, my PR application is still pending, and I’m not sure whether I can really make it for the October date in Singapore. I really want to return home though, it’s more than the food obviously, but visa restraints are really frustrating me. And obviously, Immigration won’t tell you when they will process your application. It’s as if home security will be affected if they give you an approximate date. Still, it’s not like I’m being unreasonable. I understand where they’re coming from, I just wish they’ll be more flexible since I need to plan whether I want to book air tickets or not.

A convocation 2 days after my birthday. Sounds good huh. I’m already having visions in my head. Anyway, it’s far too early to say anything. I logged onto MyInfo and saw that they allowed me 2 options to select – Perth or Singapore. Wow, it’s actually efficient!?

Anyone, give them an award please!

Give thanks under all circumstances?

An acquaintance of mine tells me that she finds Christians strange. Well, I don’t know why she thinks the occult exists and then Christianity is mumbo jumbo. They all have to do with the general theme of spirituality, and if she believes in the occult’s spiritual manifestations, then why doesn’t God exist? Goodness, I’m not implying that they’re no different, because there’s a HUGE difference. I’m just wondering why she closes her mind when she’s open to other supernatural stuffs.

I don’t think I’m strange, thank you very much! I’d like to believe that I have my head on my shoulders, I invest wisely and save my monies prudently, I take up insurance policies, I still look left and right before crossing the roads, and I don’t think I frighten people by evangelising at every opportunity. Yes, I’d been shocked by a couple of them myself, when I was caught off-guard. And if I’m considered “uncool” because of my spiritual beliefs, I really don’t take offence, because she’s entitled to her opinions. I just wish she can stop harping on it, as though she’s trying to “make up” for it by desperately justifying how uncool I am, when I have already made it clear to her that I accept that I’m uncool.

I don’t like to use the Age Card very much, but in this case, from my perspective, I am merely sitting down sipping my tea calmly, whilst she flusters and blusters about why she thinks Christianity is “this and that”. I’m not going to make a big ruckus of what she thinks, it’s really beyond my comprehension why she strives to justify everything. I am not going to renounce my faith because of her, I do hope she knows of that. After gently coaxing her that I get her point, she says abruptly, “Well, yeah, so I think Christianity is mumbo jumbo!”

Seriously. It’s like the millions of flamers out there who rant, and rant, and rant… and no productive conclusions. Childish? Perhaps not, at their ages and mindsets. I’ll try to be fair. But it’s a different matter if you are selling your argument to me directly, because I’ll likely want to hear something substantial, and I’ll be really annoyed if it’s not even up to scratch. I’m not asking for intellectual debates of the centuries, I’m just looking for a sincere, open debate with good questions and arguments.

And I don’t get along with people who have their own opinions BUT stamp on others’. Go have your own voice, flaunt it for all I care, but once you turn around to tread on others’ opinions (not jokingly), then just as I told her at the end, “You have no idea how you sound to me right now, and I actually feel sorry for you. I really do.” I will still talk to her, I can still laugh with her, and if the opportunity from God comes for me to evangelise, I will do all that. I guess that’s life, at times you need to talk to people who just can’t tolerate others. And I didn’t even start the offensive. I was pounced on, just because she knew I was a Christian. Who was being extreme here? Well, she didn’t like the fact that I was so nonchalent, taking it easy, not feeling offended at all. Was she looking for a fight? I still have no idea, I suppose I don’t feel the need to defend myself. God, to me, is omnipotent. He is way beyond anyone’s comprehension. God and I have a relationship, I don’t care if people criticise me. Don’t people ignore everyone’s claims when they’re in love? The best part is, I’m strolling along myself and I find her trying to throw rocks at me, trying desperately to tell me why she’s doing that. And then, she concludes she’s justified to throw rocks at me.

Yeah, she’s annoyed that I’m walking away whistling, whilst nonchalently dodging all the little rocks and waving my hands around. I’m cool with my beliefs, I’m not sorry she’s not cool with mine.

Gosh, big deal. Why do they bother with little things like these? No wonder teenagers are angsty. Move on already. In fact, maybe I need to reconsider my social circles!

NS Deaths

SAF suspends physical training after two deaths in two days
By Valarie Tan, Channel NewsAsia | Posted: 12 June 2008 1715 hrs

SINGAPORE: Singapore’s Ministry of Defence has declared a three-day time-out (12-14 June) on all physical and endurance training activities in the army, navy and air force.

This follows the deaths of two servicemen within two days.

20-year-old Officer Cadet (OCT) Lam Jia Hao Clifton, a pilot trainee with the Republic of Singapore Air Force (RSAF), died on Wednesday, one-and-a-half hours after he collapsed while he was undergoing jungle orientation training in Brunei.

A day earlier, 20-year-old army recruit Andrew Cheah Wei Siong died after he fainted while taking part in a two-kilometre walk training activity on Pulau Tekong.

Defence Minister Teo Chee Hean said the time-out will allow the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) to review and re-focus on training activities to ensure that proper procedures are in place before training resumes.

**

It’s really sad that it requires 2 consecutive deaths to get them into gear, when several young men had already sacrificed their lives in a similar manner. No, it wasn’t because Singapore was engaged in battle either. Just because the other guys’ times of death were spaced out didn’t mean there was absolutely nothing wrong with the system. If you were wondering why some Singaporeans you came across mentioned about scrambling out of the country to save their boys, now you know they really meant it. Literally.

Though these deaths occur rarely, they still do happen, and I think it’s safe to assume that nobody wants to end up as that statistic.

Management Team Planning Event

Last weekend, some of us went to stay at Suma Park for the annual Management Team Planning Event. It was situated at Point Lonsdale, and we made a quick trip down to Queenscliff too. Mightily cold, I must add! I could see the faint coastal line in the distance. The fog horn kept me awake during the first night.

It was a very interesting event, whereupon the fate and direction of an organisation rested squarely upon the higher management’s shoulders. And it was comforting to see that there was nothing to worry about, since the CEO and all the managers were capable, dedicated and experienced people foremost. Their titles didn’t seem to give them a sense of superiority, but rather, an understanding that they had responsibilities to take care of others and a calling to serve for the sake of the local community.

I’d always thought that such characteristics were only evident amongst most Christians.

Guess I’m happily wrong.

Racism personified

Even in multicultural Singapore, it’s not surprising to hear what people have to say when it comes to the issue of race. This 24 year old guy blogged about his feelings towards our Malay folks. After some time, he posted an apology notice.

Ah, but it’s too late. Police officers waylaid and arrested him on Tuesday.

Yes, racism is actually a crime – foremost against humanity, and subsequently legislations. I think the internet is free for all to voice your thoughts, but do be prepared to bear any consequences.

Going round and round…

I was taking the bus home when I felt my eyes hurt. My sight was going fuzzy, so I thought, “A little eyeshut wouldn’t hurt.” I didn’t nod off to sleep, but when I reopened my eyes, I immediately knew I was in foreign territory. I wished I did sleep, at least I had an excuse.

So, seeing that I was in lala land for real, I wondered what would become of me. I’d never taken the bus before in Melbourne prior to this one, and I was a little exhausted from getting up early to work. The last thing I wanted to wrap up my day with, would be to end up stranded.

My brain started working, it whirred itself reluctantly back to life. I didn’t want to alight because it was pitch black outside. Yeah, it was only 6.15pm. But lo and behold! A lightbulb went off just then, because I remembered this bus would make a pitstop at Chadstone. Oh yes, we’re talking about that giant shopping centre. Do you know I only take 5 mins to drive from my apartment to Chaddy? Unfortunately, my car wasn’t sitting in Chaddy’s carpark then. Grr.

When will they invent portable vehicles?

Anyway, I alighted at Chaddy and then proceeded to board another bus – which took me to Glen Waverley. Please don’t ask me why. I was tired, beguiled and subsequently dysfunctional. Finally, I took the train back home and managed to step in at the grand timing of… 7.15pm!

Whee.

I don’t like the winter darkness here when I’m travelling. I can’t see the bus stop approaching because I can’t identify landmarks, trademarks or anything else for that matter. “What building!?” Not to mention, I’d only started taking this bus route since last week. Not many people chose to alight at the bus stop either, so the bus could streak by if I wasn’t careful. When I did successfully alight and wait at the train station, it felt like the loneliest place on earth because the max no. of people on the platforms at any time was like… 3.

Not good.

So, I decided to change my route to work, and the trial began today. It went quite smoothly, judging from the fact that it was a bus stop that also serviced a TAFE institution, so I didn’t have to act like a nervous tortoise trying to strain its neck every few mins. Yes, people -lots of ‘em- actually alighted at this bus stop. And oh! The big McDonald’s next to it shone like a lighthouse in the darkness, I’d never been happier to see its neon arch perched high up there. The adjacent train station didn’t feel abandoned and smelly too. Tons of students trawled the area, and it just made me feel tons better too.

Yeah, change is sometimes good.

It’s not everyday that you step into a Dick Smith branch, pore over some of their displays of PCs and laptops, greet your friendly salesman (or boy, in this case), and then spend the next half an hour or so yakking away about things like anime and commiserate on the shared strains of our hobbies on drives’ spaces. No, not everyday I reckon.

But yeah, it’s refreshing.